The Lionel Show Blog

INTERCOURSE, Pennsylvania – As Dorothy Parker said, “You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.”  And when you have a candidate who is as entrenched in politically anachronistic ideology as JohnMcCain and his pit bull, Madame Mooseslayer, change and, better yet, improvement are a long way off.

And as he claims to be the merchant of change (Gee, where’ve I heard that before?), his underlying theme is illutible. Think of Republican ideology as an indelible stain.  No matter how you try your best to cover up the message, its tattoo shadow remains.  John McCain has milked his maverick theme for all its worth, but this thematic teat is dry. McCain droned on about the usual themes: his POW status (for that sole person who may have awakened from a two decades-old coma), his love of country, his disdain for partisan politics (I love that beaut) and the other predigested pap and hokum that the GOP’ers feed on.

That’s right, Sarah Louise Heath Palin pronounces nuclear as “nucular.”

LIONEL will appear at the Trover Shop in Washington DC Tuesday, September 9th at 5:30 PM.  He’ll be autographing his new book, atour de force, hailed by critics “Everyone’sCrazy Except You and Me . . . And I’m Not So Sure About You.”

REYKJAVIK, Iceland – On our last day at the Republican National Convention, I was standing with my colleague David Bender Friday morning at the complimentary coffee display at the Marriott Courtyard, Bloomington, Minnesota’s finest caravansary, politely voicing my objection to the selection and very notion of flavored coffee creamers when a woman who I later found to be a Republican delegate or just a Republican apparently overheard David and I muse anent her Aggrandized Old Party and our vey disgust with same. She walked away and entered the PC-appointed internet(s) facility where my inamorata, Frusheda, was already seated.

This termagant turned to Frusheda and asked if she were with those “twits,” viz. David and me. This harridan muttered something about why don’t we go and blog, or words to that effect, and when she heard of our affiliation with Air America, her rage was off the chart. Frusheda asked her whom she was with and she snapped, “I’m an American.” To this harpy’s shock, Frusheda jumped to her feet and hummed angrily “L’Internationale.” The self-styled cackle-broad ran away in disgust.

This woman was the prototypical Republi-con, a person who enjoys the general perceived trappings of Republican/conservative platforms, all the while failing to understand the gravamen of her alleged disagreements. We were the enemy. We deigned to question the GOP ”plan.” We didn’t see the brilliance or message of Madame Mooseburger, Wasilla’s Marcia Brady, nor did we buy Old Man Potter’s purloined promise of Change.

Next: The hematophagic conventioneer.

Studies in Absurdity

By Sean “Dermott” Kensing

I want to apologize for yesterday’s blog. It was not one of my best. It was rambling, poorly thought-out, and hastily composed. In a flurry of over-emotional outrage, I threw together a prose-poem the sentiments of which I still entirely support, but the delivery and style of which I feel left something to be desired. I sounded a bit like a teenager angry that Soundgarden broke up (which, lets be honest, a part of me always will be).

Today, I’m back on my feet. And do you know why? Because I’ve finally come around the bend. I’ve made the transition from impotent anger and depression to an appreciation of the Absurdity Of It All. How else can one react to some of the speeches at the RNC in the past few days? Let’s look at a few of them.

Jimmy LaSalvia of the Log Cabin Republicans talks with Lionel about why he is a gay republican.