This morning began like any other. At the sound of the alarm, my hand instinctively groped towards my bedside table, gathering a handful of tissues in preparation for the Two Minutes Cry. This done, I rose from my bed and began my morning routine of self-flagellation in front of a full-length mirror, accomplished with the aid of a plastic spatula and a deep reservoir of self-loathing. Donning a coquettishly short kimono to hide the fresh, still-weeping wounds on my buttocks and lower back, I slunk in to the kitchen and poured myself a generous helping of Cod Liver Oil. As I do every morning, I tuned my radio to a fearful squall of white noise and cranked the volume up to 11. It was then that I happened to glance at the time.

The clock read 7:15 A.M. I had done the unthinkable. I had over-slept.

Thus the absence of my usual lengthy blog entry, my friends. But fear not: the show today is chock full of guests, from Paul Waldman to author Michael Erard to comedian Scott Blakeman. That oughta do ya, eh?

Please stay tuned for a regular blog entry to be posted later in the day – possibly the deepest, darkest exploration of my profoundly twisted psyche yet. Be afraid.

Love,

Derm